The Superstar Difference

Transforming Discomfort into Fuel for your Brain

My friend, Anne Marie, is a rock star. Not the kind that belts out tunes to a crowd of thousands. But the kind that seeks out challenges and attacks them- head-on- blowing away everyday kinds of goals.

Her most recent challenge? Marathons. Yup, 26.2 miles in a single go. But she doesn’t just run a marathon and call it a day- her fastest marathon? She ran in 2 hours and 36 minutes. Do you know how fast that is? It’s fast enough that it is sent her to the Olympic trials in 2020. The Olympic trials… with 3 kids at home!!!!

I’ve tried running with Anne Marie. My barely-breathing-about-to-die-all-out-sprint is her out-for-an-easy-stroll. The few times we have run together (while she pushes a double stroller, mind you) she carries on the entire conversation because I’m dying- gulping air like it’s the last molecule of oxygen left on the planet.

Even rockstars struggle

Anne Marie is a rockstar for sure. But you know what? She’s still human. She still struggles, she still gets overwhelmed, and she still has to fight the voices in her head that tell her there’s no way.

In fact, check out the 3rd water bottle in her lineup that she prepped for a recent race:

*A study in mantras: Anne Marie’s CIM marathon water bottles*

“I can do hard things.”

Of course, we all know she can do hard things. She does them all the time (she has 3 boys under the age of 6, after all!). What’s striking— given her rockstar persona— is that they’re hard for HER.

It’s easy to see people excel and group them into a different category than yourself. And sure- their goals may be different or they may be farther along in their journey. But reaching your goals- provided you’ve dreamed big- it’s not easy. For Anyone.

The Rockstar difference

The thing that makes rock stars different- the thing that helps get them to their, seemingly unattainable, goals is that even when they have moments where they feel like they can’t go on— when Anne Marie’s lungs are burning and her legs feel like lead— they recognize the ***discomfort as an expectable reaction to doing a hard thing***. It’s not a signal that something is wrong and they need to ease up. It’s a signal that they’re doing it right- it’s supposed to hurt.

But, that’s really hard to remember when the pain takes over. This is why Anne Marie’s waterbottles are brilliant- they cue her brain to do the trick and replace the thoughts of “This hurts” and “I want to stop,” “I can do hard things” and “Embrace it, figure it out.”

The Power of Changing your Labels

Another (actual) rockstar, Bruce Springsteen, is famous for saying that he still feels butterflies in his stomach, his heart racing, and his palms sweating before each and every concert.

If you look up those physiological symptoms in the DSM-V (the psychological diagnostic manual) they’re defined as an anxiety attack. But you know what Bruce calls them? Excitement.

He says that when he feels them he knows he’s ready- Ready to perform and ready to share his joy, energy, and love of music with the world. He then uses that energy building in his body to propel him on stage and through his set.

This mental sleight of hand that relabels pain and discomfort as proof of success is an incredibly powerful tool.

when you push yourself out of your comfort zone; discomfort is a signal you're doing it right — This single tool can save you from having to be a slave to your sensations. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone, no matter what that comfort zone is, you can expect discomfort. But you don’t have to stop. This discomfort is a signal you’re doing it right, you’re doing the thing you wanted to do- “embrace it (the discomfort) and figure it (how to keep going) out.”

This is particularly powerful with an ADHD brain. Because let’s face it- there’s a lot of discomfort with ADHD.

Pushing yourself over an initiation hurdle? That’s hard.
Continually bringing your mind back to a task at hand every time you notice it wander? That’s hard.
Following your plan even though you’re tired? That’s hard.
Loving yourself through your mistakes, errors, and forgetfulness? That’s hard too.

So much of your day you’re having to push yourself past your comfort zone and it’s really uncomfortable.

But that discomfort? That’s a sign that you’re doing it right. It doesn’t mean you need to stop. It means you’re doing a hard thing (because living with, not to mention thriving with ADHD, is most definitely a hard thing), and “you can do hard things.”

Making the rockstar trick work for you

Want to know how to make this work for you? Here’s an experiment to try:

Think about the times in the next few days that you are most likely to hit that “I can’t do this” wall. Where will you be and what will you be doing? Write them down.
Now brainstorm ways you can give yourself the benefit of a visual cue for what you want to replace those negative thoughts with
-Is your wall, 2 minutes after your alarm goes off for your morning workout tomorrow morning? Try a post-it on your phone “It’s ok. You can do hard things.” -Is the wall resisting that bag of cookies after the kids go to bed tonight? Tape a note to the bag to remind yourself “It’s ok. You can do hard things”
-Is it staying focused while writing that big report tomorrow afternoon? Put that post it back on the screen of your phone so you see it when you try to pick it up to distract yourself.
Set the cue. Once you have the plan- it’s time to get it done! Post that post-it, set that alarm, write that note, and see if it helps your brain push over that hurdle!

There are so many pain points along the ADHD road to thriving. And continuing to move through that pain is the only way to make any real progress. Feel that pain and use it as a signal of your strength. Because: