How to reduce overwhelm with an ADHD brain
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It’s 4:30: your kids are going to charge through the door in 30…now 29…oh, sh*t, now it’s 28 minutes. That project you have due in 3 days… the one that you told yourself you would get started on early— remains untouched. The 4 half-written to-do lists that are spread across your desk have a grand total of 3 things crossed off. And then there’s the piles: piles of papers to read, piles of bills to pay, piles of mail to sort, and oh, yeah, you really should get dinner started.
Aaaaaaaaaaa. You feel hopelessly lost, so very alone- and you feel like you screwed up.
Again.
Why do I get Overwhelmed So Easily?!?
The big scary tsunami of feelings that floods your system, scrambles your brain, and sends you running for the hills is overwhelm. And it’s not just that your brain makes it harder to get things done that makes you feel more overwhelmed. It’s also that your brain is more prone to getting overwhelmed. Why? Well, Let’s check it out.
ADHD and Overwhelm: The Frantic Spiral
Everyone gets overwhelmed. Every. Single. Person. ADHDers don’t have the market cornered on that. But ADHD brains not only get overwhelmed more often but they also get MORE overwhelmed than other brains. And, actually, it doesn’t end there- because when ADHD brains get overwhelmed they’re more likely to spiral- tumbling down, head-over-heels, smack into a wall of awful.
What’s a wall of awful? You know it—- it’s that wall that separates you from what you need to do. It’s been built up over the years— each brick crafted by every experience of criticism, self-doubt, unreached potential, failed intentions, and missed opportunities throughout your life. It’s your history of struggle that comes surging back the second, even a whiff of uncertainty heads your way.
And because your ADHD system feels feelings full force, this wall of awful slams into you with the intensity of a bulldozer at full speed— leaving you huddled in a corner feeling like nothing could or even should be done.
Why are ADHD brains more prone to more frequent and bigger overwhelm?
It all comes back to the filter. ADHD brains don’t filter information, stimulation, and other incoming data. It doesn’t sort out the unimportant things, leaving you to only have to deal with the key details. Instead, your brain is smacked with every single piece of data that comes your way. That’s a lot. And, because your brain also doesn’t regulate the intensity of your feelings very well, it feels and experiences that wave of data full force- all day, every day.
What overwhelms the ADHD brain?
Because the ADHD brain doesn’t filter information or stimulation. And because it struggles to order, prioritize and organize; it can be overwhelmed by almost anything in life. But, these are the top 6 forms of overwhelm I most often see:
Too much stimulation: ADHD Overstimulation
The filterless ADHD brain doesn’t tune out information coming in as other brains do. So it all comes in, it all has to be processed and it all floods the system. Constantly. This means the dog barking hello, the kids fighting in the next room, and the flashing lights in the corner hit your brain full force. Causing things like irritation, headaches, anger, an overwhelming desire to flee or lash out. To learn more about overstimulation check out Why am I so Sensitive?
Too many thoughts: Cognitive Overwhelm
Your brain thinks. It thinks all the time and it thinks all the thoughts. It pinballs around, having thought after thought after thought. Now, let’s not forget that there’s some benefit here- some of those thoughts are incredible. Some of those thoughts can change the world. But let’s also be real- if your brain can’t finish the thought, it’s pretty hard to enact it.
This is where the overwhelm comes in because it’s exhausting trying to follow each and every pinball thought. So after trying for a bit you then try to choose which one needs to be followed to its full and beautiful conclusion. But all of that effort? That’s executive functioning effort and your executive functioning system- it’s going to wear out its supply quickly, leaving you just with a bunch of frantic pinballs.
Too many feelings: Emotional Overwhelm
Because ADHD is, at its heart, an issue with regulation, ADHD brains struggle to feel anything just a little bit. It gets bowled over, flooded, and submerged by the feelings it feels. The feelings are either ON or OFF and when a brain gets flooded by feelings- particularly those survival feelings like fear, anxiety, worry, or dread- it moves into fight/flight and shuts down your rational brain. When this happens it’s not even that you’re NOT thinking your way through the situation, but you CANT think your way through it.
Too many tasks: To-Do List Overwhelm
Because initiation, prioritization, and organization are all issues for ADHD, tasks tend to languish on to-do lists. And the more items you have on a list, the harder it is to do any of them. That’s if everything is even on a to-do list, to begin with. But, so often they’re not—- instead, 4 are on a post-it note on your computer screen, 8 are in a notebook at the bottom of your bag, 6 are on a list in the kitchen and then about 42 are running around your head, keeping you up at night and suddenly occurring to you at the most inopportune times. Trying to find your way through all those tasks? That’s to-do list overwhelm.
Too much stuff: Clutter Overwhelm
ADHD brains struggle to finish a task to completion. This means that bags drop at the front door, keys hang in the lock, and projects that are 60-80% done collect dust in the corner. Combine this with a brain that doesn’t feel motivated to act by things like “it’d be nice if it were tidy around here” or even “my day would be so much easier tomorrow if I knew where everything was” and you can get a very cluttered and messy house. All this stuff can overwhelm your sensory system and make it hard to sort your way through your tasks or your day. Feel constantly overwhelmed by all your clutter? Check out this post for an ADHD-friendly strategy for tidying up.
Too many logistics: Logistical Overwhelm
Cooking an elaborate dinner, planning a multi-city trip, hell- even just making your way through a grocery store- all of these things require endless logistics. Micro-decisions, planning, organizing, ordering, and thinking through consequences. Each one of those logistics is drawing from that executive functioning bank and those withdrawals are going to start to add up fast. When your executive bank account is running low, your brain is going to suddenly start to feel overwhelmed- the decisions and details they are going to start to swirl around your brain leaving you feeling confused, flooded, and like you just want to shut down and escape.
What to do when you feel overwhelmed
When you begin to feel that tell-tale feeling of overwhelm- the one that makes you want to run— not walk— back to your bed and pull your covers over your head. When you want to call your mommy in the middle of the day. When you want to put your hands over your ears and yell-sing “la-la-la” like a 4-year-old ignoring that very same mom- these are all signals your brain has gotten flooded. When this happens it’s like the grown-up inside your brain has turned off and the toddler has taken over. And just like when your 3-year-old throws themselves on the floor- now is not the time to argue. Now is the time to calm down your system and get your inner grown-up back on board.
The 4 step process for taking control of overwhelm
Notice the signs
What are your personal signs of overwhelm? Do you get a pounding headache? Does your vision blur? Does your thinking go foggy? Do you feel the need to run screaming from the room or jump back in bed and pull the covers over your head? Think back to the last few times you got overwhelmed- what did it feel like? What were the feelings in your body? Those are your red flags. The more you’re aware of them, the sooner you can notice when overwhelm is beginning. The sooner you deal with it, the less consuming it will be.
Step away
Once you notice the signs- step away from the situation. Excuse yourself to the bathroom, hide in a closet, take a walk- whatever you need to do to give yourself space from the things that are overwhelming you. (Hint: if it’s cognitive overwhelm- a loud music dance break, walk outside or hot shower can all help calm —or drown-out- the relentless flood of thoughts)
Identify the overwhelm
Figure out which type of overwhelm was triggering you- was it too many thoughts? A flood of feelings? Too many logistics? Check out the chart and find your next step.
Take the next step
Once you’ve figured out what the overwhelm is, now use the chart below to choose the next step that starts chipping away at that overwhelm beast.
ADHD Overwhelm Strategies
Overstimulation:
Step away. Limit the overwhelming stimulation and take several long, slow, deep breaths to quiet down your nervous system.
Cognitive Overwhelm:
get a large sheet of paper and do a mind dump: list out every single thought- it doesn’t have to be linear or even complete just try to get them all out. Once the dump is complete, then go back and try sorting through.
Emotional Overwhelm:
Soothe your senses. Use the sense soothing menu to pick several strategies to soothe yourself as you feel your feelings. Don’t try to fight them or push them away- allow them to be, but soothe yourself through them. Once the feeling wave has crested, then (and only then) do you try to reason through the feelings.
To-Do List Overwhelm:
Gather all your lists and make a master one.
Now- which items can you pass-off, cross-off, or deem unimportant- great! Put a big-’ol-line through them.
Next, find the 3 most important.
Which of those 3 are the hardest? Start there and break it down. I really mean break it down- SMALL. Have an email to send your boss? Step 1- find his email address, Step 2- brainstorm your key points Step3- draft the note (outside of your email) Step 4- copy and paste Step 5- edit the email Step 6- press send.
Still feeling stuck? Check out this post on getting the right stuff done.
Clutter Overwhelm:
Choose one spot- your desk, your kitchen island, your bed- any spot. Then start the ADHD friendly 3 step process to tidying your home. Believe me. It works.
Logistical Overwhelm:
When the logistics of a situation are making your head swim. Try stepping away and writing it down. Imagine yourself walking through each part of the process and writing down each step. From there- what decision, plan, or detail needs to be figured out on each step? Still, feeling swamped? Bring in back up. Sometimes a fresh perspective can help add that one lens that brings it all into focus.
Tips for when you're feeling overwhelmed
Watch your self-talk. The overwhelm is not your fault. It’s not a signal of who you are as a person. It is a sign of too much going on around you or too much flooding into your brain. Name it for what it is and don’t make it be something about you.
Step away. You won’t be able to find your balance again while the waves of overwhelm keep crashing on you. Step away, get some space, and allow your system to re-calibrate. Then, and only then, do you want to start to think about how to find your way through it.
Breathe. When your system is overwhelmed by either internal or external stimulation it can feel like it’s under constant fire. Once you get some space, allow your nervous system a chance to calm down, take several long, slow deep breaths to quiet the fight/flight and bring your thinking brain back on board.
Give yourself a break. Continuing to try to plug along. Pushing yourself through to work in the middle of overwhelm is not only mean but also likely fruitless. Give yourself a break, take the time you need to recalibrate and then come back- you will be happier and more productive if you do.
The fact that you get overwhelmed is based in your brain NOT your character. Beating yourself up for your overwhelm or getting mad at yourself for it will only make it worse. Give yourself a break. You deserve it and your brain needs it.
But, also- that’s easier said than done and overwhelm can so often lead to shame, anger, and other strong, hard to manage emotions. And ADHD brains? They’re more likely to have a hard time dealing with these big feelings.
That’s why I created my 5-step signature framework for developing emotional mastery with an ADHD brain. Want to get on the list to join my free masterclass where I detail this very framework as soon as it opens? Join the waitlist here!
What overwhelms your brain? What’s your favorite strategy for managing your overwhelm?
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The ADHD Brain Revealed: The Surprising Truth of the Default Mode Network