Oct 24

9 Sneaky Little Habits You didn’t realize can be signs of ADHD in Women

ADHD is almost as common in women as men. But the way it shows up for women can be more subtle and less disruptive to the outside world than how it presents in men. Meaning that it too often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. In fact, whenever I’m diagnosing women with ADHD, I don’t just ask about broad overarching symptoms like inattention and hyperactivity- I explore these subtle, little habits that can often signal ADHD even more clearly for women.

1. Busyness

Sure- we think of little boys with ADHD climbing all over the furniture. But the way hyperactivity shows up in women with ADHD is often more social and more productive. Because women are socialized to help and serve- it’s often hard to sit still when there are things to be done. Now, these things might not be the most important thing, and often aren’t the big hard thing- but you may find yourself looking a bit like a hummingbird throughout your house- moving from one small task to another, never sitting down.

2. An extra-large purse

Because ADHD brains struggle with object permanence, you may use your purse/ bag/ car as the holding spot for all the important (and completely unimportant) things. Holding your 2-year-old lipstick, a single toddler shoe, 8 different task lists, a book you keep telling yourself you’ll read, a broken flashlight- because you know you’ll fix it later, a half-empty bottle of hand sanitizer, and a crumbled cookie. And all that stuff? It takes up a huge amount of space. And so bags grow.

3. Constantly apologizing

Many women don’t get diagnosed with ADHD until they’re adults. That means that for a huge amount of their life, they didn’t have an explanation for why things were harder for them. How do we usually understand our unnamed struggles as kids? We tell ourselves there’s something wrong with us. This means that women with ADHD often carry around a lot of shame- which may cause you to over-apologize, taking the blame for everything whether it’s truly their fault or not.

4. Losing touch with friends

Because ADHD brains struggle with object permanence- things you can’t carry around with you– like friends that you don’t see every day- can fall out of awareness. That doesn’t mean that you stop loving or caring about them, but it can mean that they cease to exist in your consciousness in the moment- which makes it really hard to reach out and stay in touch. So many women with ADHD find themselves struggling to maintain friendships- particularly when friends move or leave their day-to-day routines.

5. Unhealthy eating

There’s a lot involved in healthy eating- meal planning, inhibiting impulses, cooking, shopping and it all takes– not just a huge amount of time –but it takes a huge amount of executive functioning energy, too! So take out, grab-and-go and the quick dopamine shot of a chocolate bar end up being the easier, quicker option.

Add to that executive functioning drain, the fact that ADHD brains are brains likely to prefer small, immediate rewards over longer-term (even if larger) rewards down the road- and that candy bar now becomes much more appealing than your heart health in 20 years.

6. Interrupting and talking over others

The energy and excitement that comes with the On/Off regulatory system of an ADHD brain can be positively infectious and may be a huge reason why others love spending time with you. But it can also make it hard to respect the back and forth volleying of a conversation- instead, wanting to chime in and add your exciting thought. It’s often done out of enthusiasm, rather than disrespect, but not always understood as that.

7. Chasing new ideas

The ADHD brain is a big-picture brain that sees all the possibilities and gets excited about new interesting ideas. And so you may find yourself constantly chasing each new wonderful idea that occurs to you. Some of these ideas can lead to fabulous businesses/ solutions/ organizations/ family plans. But many of them can also just end up abandoned when the next thing comes along.

8. Always being on time

I know- we think of ADHD brains as being constantly late. And sure- many are- including many women. But can also be the case that because you feel more social pressure than men, you may become quite fastidious about always being on time. This can lead to anxiety when circumstances get in your way but it also allows helps create the structure and continuity your brain craves.

9. Really big feelings

ADHD brains struggle to regulate. And that means they struggle to regulate everything- not just attention and activity- but feelings too. Given women’s tendency to internalize their emotions and the way hormones play into a woman’s ADHD symptoms and mood, women with ADHD may find themselves having extremely big, often unmanageable feelings that may lead to blow-ups, melt-downs, and extreme emotions.

If you relate to these subtle cues- don’t hesitate to get an ADHD evaluation, talk with a therapist, or try out ADHD-friendly emotional regulation training. There are many different treatment options dedicated to helping women thrive with ADHD brains.

What are the sneaky little habits of your ADHD?

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